the late night thoughts of an insomniac

It’s late Saturday night and I just sent off a few things to my professor and saw the end of the Bethel Young Saints Awakening Conference.  My mind is reeling but I know one thing. I am loved.  If I can remember nothing else, it’s that I am loved.  I am loved full heartedly and uniquely.  I am consumed by his love.  There is nothing that can match it – nothing that can ever come close.

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The hotel hallway is quiet.  Teenagers filtering in from the conference have finally gone to sleep.  I’m alone with God.  And He is Good.  All of the time He is good.  His promises swirl through my mind, and I smile because He is Good.  He knows what I need before I need it, and even when I don’t expect it He touches me.

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I wish I had told the young man who prayed over me how beautiful his heart was.  Rather than quickly going down the line he took his time and spoke life and healing into each individual.  He had to be exhausted, but it didn’t stop him from loving everyone around him like God loves them.I wish I had told him that his words deeply impacted me and confirmed what God had written on my own heart.  Maybe he’ll read this and know that that young woman with the purple hair and the broken home life was deeply impacted by what he told her.  Maybe he’ll read it and know that being told that God was pleased with her hunger and that He was pleased with her when she was at

I wish I had told him that his words deeply impacted me and confirmed what God had written on my own heart.  Maybe he’ll read this and know that that young woman with the purple hair and the broken home life was deeply impacted by what he told her.  Maybe he’ll read it and know that being told that God was pleased with her hunger and that He was pleased with her when she was at rest-not just when she ran herself into the ground-floored her.  God is good.  All of the time God is good.

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It’s been a long time since I’ve written.  My voice, for so long, was shuttered off.  Writing meant feeling, and feeling was something that I couldn’t handle for too long at a time.  But today God spoke and told me that my voice is my gift.  My words are my gift.  It is through these words I impact people and heal myself.  When I write is when I remember that He is sovereign over all.  I remember that I am loved and that He is a good, good father.

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Over the next few months I’m going to be rebranding.  My name, Lauren, means ‘Victorious’ or ‘Laurel-Crowned’.  Hope is a beautiful thing-but that is not the point of my existence right now.  Right now I am to live out of my name, out of my identity…and my identity is not hope filled even though I am.  No, my identity is found in Christ and found in my name.  I will not simply survive.  I will thrive.  I will be victorious.  I am the Laurel-Crowned – and so are you.