Brown, dead grass crunches underfoot as I make my way to the pasture.  Ropes swing from my hands, lightly brushing my thigh.  A breeze stirs, causing me to halt for a moment as I take in the sky, the stars.  A smile crawls across my face as my hair sways with the wind, dancing to the beat of it’s own song.  My face is lifted up, joy and peace radiate from it.  I start to run.

As I near the pasture I hear two nickers, both intended for me.  Stepping over the electric fence I go over and greet the two nickerer’s, laying my head against their foreheads.  Time stops.  Peace courses through me, something I haven’t felt in a long time.  The moment passes, and I give the bay a smile as I throw the small rope in my hand around his neck.  Jump, jump, swing and I’m up.  I lean back and rest my head on his rump as I stare at the stars for the first time in a very long time.

but when i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars i see someone else

when i look at the stars,
the stars, i feel like myself

The air nips my lungs as I take a deep breath, closing my eyes.  Slowly, I sit up.  Once fully straight I open my eyes and smile a little smile.  Leaning down I whisper into my horses mane, telling him what we’ve both been needing for a long time.  Staying crouched over his withers he takes off like a rocket, propelling himself down the fence line.  I straighten as he plants his hindquarters and rolls back, changing direction.  We both revel in being alive, in being young and free.  For one split second, that argument with my parents, the kids who refuse to accept me, the feeling of inadequacy, the depression, the anger, the hate all disappear and joy replaces them.  Peace replaces them.  I outrun everything for that one, precious moment, that moment of freedom.  For in that moment I am finally free, finally living.  I let the walls fall, if only for a moment.

so let ‘em fall down
there’s freedom waiting in the sound
when you let your walls fall to the ground
we’re here now

All too soon that moment ends, and the pressures of the world fall once again onto my shoulders.  My face creases in weariness, and a mask comes across my features, blocking any emotions.  I retreat back into the inner sanctum, blocking all access to the outside world.  No one will ever see the hurt, the pain, the heartache.  It will stay locked away, always remembered, never forgotten but always hidden from prying eyes.  I will never let anyone in.  The walls are unbreachable, impregnable.  Only the stars will ever see, ever know.

maybe i’ve been the problem, maybe i’m the one to blame
but even when i turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
i’ve been thinkin’ maybe i’ve been partly cloudy, maybe i’m the chance of rain
maybe i’m overcast, and maybe all my luck’s washed down the drain

i’ve been thinking ’bout everyone, everyone you look so lonely

but when i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars i see someone else

when i look at the stars,
the stars, i feel like myself

stars lookin’ at our planet watching entropy and pain
and maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
i’ve been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own
and suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home

i’ve been thinking bout everyone, everyone you look so empty

but when i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars i see someone else

when i look at the stars,
the stars, i feel like myself

everyone, everyone we feel so lonely
everyone, yeah everyone we feel so empty

When i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars,
when i look at the stars i feel like myself

When i look at the stars,
the stars, i see someone…

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